I felt like I was stuck in the sand, unable to get out.
Not the best year for me personally, most of you know that I was laid
off from my job in Jan. 2010. What you didn't know was how this has affected me.I have gone through
so many emotions over this, scared to death- our house, was use to functioning on a 2 income basis, to being okay with it when the kids got out of school I thought I'll be able to enjoy the summer, to back to being scared once the kids went back to school because my youngest was starting Kindergarten & I would now be facing these days by myself & I still had not found a job. Then there were my very dark days that I had, where I would just take the kids to school, come home and go back to bed. I've cried, gotten mad, and I would be lying if I said I've not gotten mad at God. I allowed my job loss & lack of being able to find a new one affect every aspect of my life, from my walk with God, to the kids, my marriage, self image, self worth. I mean one person can really only take so many rejection letters & never even getting an answer before it starts to make them wonder.
I've been slowly digging myself back out. During that time the relationship, the one I needed the most -the one with my Saviour suffered probably the most. I am ashamed to admit that, but I find it hard to believe that Iam the only one that has done that. In some way felt like he was keeping me from finding a job, punishing me for some unconfessed sin, or past mistakes.
Of course I knew better, but wanted to believe that.
So, back to the digging myself out, I've begun to realize that I have got to embrace this season in my
life, though I don't know what God has in store for me, I know this last year, we have managed to continue
to be able to get our bills paid each month, & have food on the table. My God has been faithful,
even though I certainly did not deserve it.
So with that being said, Thanks for reading, I don't typically share things
such as this, but I just had to get this out. I want to move forward in this New Year.
I want to walk closer to my Lord from here on out, never leaving him out of my daily activities in life.
Always seeking him first.